snake who works for the government…? a civil serpent.

It’s no secret that I am not the biggest fan of snakes. The messed up part is, is that I’m scared of them biting me. However, snakes bites happen way faster than any mammal bite would, and it probably wouldn’t hurt as much. I can logically think through it all I want but my heart still races when I am close to a snake, God forbid I have to hold it. However, I still respect them, and their role in their native environments. Non-native snakes are becoming quite the issue in the Southern U.S.; and Dan Ashe pissed off a lot of private owners on Friday by announcing that ban on transporting these snakes across state lines. Burmese pythons, and other African snakes were already on a banned list, but now their constricting comrades have joined the ranks. Reticulated pythons, and 3 different species of anaconda’s have been added to the non-import list.

Let’s talk about why native snakes are awesome:

Rats and mice carry diseases that can be transmitted to humans

Snakes eat mice and rats

‘Nuf said

Snakes do not want to hurt you. As for venomous ones, their venom is reserved for hunting prey that is far smaller than humans, dogs, and cats. Snakes would rather slither away and reserve their energy for eating than attacking you or your pets. If you stumble upon a snake, venomous or otherwise, it is best to just leave it alone. We should really all be thanking snakes for them preventing the spread of disease, just do it from far away.

Let’s talk about why non-native snakes suck:

They eat freakin’ everything. They are completely depleting the populations of small mammals and birds in the Everglades. And if you live in any kind of temperate region, your neighborhood could be next. There is no stopping these 23 foot long, 200 pound snakes from invading any environment that they can live in. And more importantly, your native snakes are small and are not interested in eating your dog. A Burmese python or a green anaconda might be. They have been known to eat prey as big as deer, which mean it would have no problem eating the family pet.

Now let’s talk about why snake owners/breeders/importers are pissed:

Ok, I have to admit if they put a ban on something that I considered a hobby, I would be pretty mad. If amazon all of a sudden wasn’t allowed to deliver whatever random shit I want to me, I would be pissed. However, here’s my issue. After knowing many snake breeders and owners, they are kept in small plastic storage containers, ya know like the ones you keep clothes in. They do not have the ability to hunt, as long as they’re fed genetically fucked up, dead, pre-frozen prey. They really don’t even have the ability to move around and exercise. In short, I do not believe in owning non-domestic animals. As far as breeders go, most of them do it to “see what kind of offspring they can get, it’s a genetic game”, because that doesn’t sound like a horrifying God-complex at all…Hobbies such as reading, yoga, and gardening are much better for society and the earth.

I consider this ban a win for the environment and the ecological balance.

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